Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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