using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
