he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
