P.S. I can't hear my feet
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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