Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
