I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Randomize
