He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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