So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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