where am i from again
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
