She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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