Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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