I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
