once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
