So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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