Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
