So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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