you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
