Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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