Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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