she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
