The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
