My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
