After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
