and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
