Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
