is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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