You really coming over, don't trick.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize