The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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