My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
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