And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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