I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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