I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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