my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
