a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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