There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
