watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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