East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
