I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
