I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
So vagazzling was a success
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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