i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
