I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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