I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
