My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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