I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
