I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
