I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
