I CAN MOONWALK!
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
