I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
