I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
