In the future we'll all be gay
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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