So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
