You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
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