You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
