Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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