my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You ruined the universe
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
