Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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