She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
