if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
