I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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