It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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