Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
