You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
