I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
