She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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