Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
