she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
