he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
