The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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