He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Randomize
