Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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