cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
