I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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