The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
