you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
