Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
