where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I just burned my penis
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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