If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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