Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Randomize
