I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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