Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
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