I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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