he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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